Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
