i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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