CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
