Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
