You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
