im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
