that's an acceptable place to lick
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
