im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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