Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
