My friends, they love my intelligence
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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