there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
