He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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