Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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