I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
