Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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