Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
