I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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