Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
