I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
