I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
