Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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