You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
