her vagine was all disorganized.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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