They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
