Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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