I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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