We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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