i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
