Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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