dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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