I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
