He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
