i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The air was thick with penises
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
