She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
