He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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