a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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