My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My vagina is officially offended.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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