Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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