He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
