I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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