This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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