why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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