i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
