Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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