Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
