My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
