just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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