So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
