Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
pray to the hookup gods
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
