When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
